如果方向是正确的,就不惧路途的遥远。在雅思写作备考过程中,研读四项评分标准:Task Response(Achievement), Coherence and Cohesion,Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy, 尤为重要。剑桥雅思系列中每本书籍都有考官范文的样本。优秀的习作一般包含主题明确、逻辑清晰、表达个性、论证饱满、句法多元等特征。就让小鹏哥庖丁解牛考官范文系列,带你体会标准范文的精妙之处吧。
《剑10》 考官范文解析:(P78)
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world
Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
【翻译】
国家正在变得趋同,因为人们能够在世界上任何地方买到相同的产品。
你认为这是积极的还是消极的发展? 给出你观点的理由,例证可以来自你的知识和人生经历。
【破题】Do you think this is a positive or negative development 为典型的利弊讨论类提问标志。
范文解析
【首段】
背景介绍 + 作家立场
It is said that countries are becoming similar to each other because of the global spread of the same products, which are now available for purchase almost anywhere. I strongly believe that this modern development is largely detrimental to culture and traditions worldwide.
〖解析〗
1. it is said that 有人说
2. purchase n购买
3. is largely detrimental to 很大程度上有害于
〖点评〗
文章首段自由改写题目指令,用物称表达it is said that 替代了童鞋惯常使用的some people argue that,非限定性定语从句which 的使用也展示了学术文体写作的特征。purchase 通常指大宗购买,用于正式文体,比buy更加精准。首段尾句以I strongly believe that 引导,清晰表达作家立场。作家以is largely detrimental to 替代常用表达 is bad for 或 is harmful to,为表达升级。
【二段】第一次支持作家立场
A country’s history, language and ethos are all inextricably bound up in its manufactured artifacts. If the relentless advance of international brands into every corner of the world continues, these bland packages might one day completely oust the traditional objects of a nation, which would be a loss of richness and diversity in the world, as well as the sad disappearance of the manifestations of a place’s character. What would a Japanese tea ceremony be without its specially crafted teapot, or a Fijian kava ritual without its bowl made from a certain type of tree bark?
〖解析〗 inextricably adv不可避免地
〖拓展〗 unavoidably = inevitably adv不可避免地
〖解析〗
1. relentless adj 无休止的,不间断的
2. oust v驱逐,替代
3. What would a Japanese tea ceremony be without its specially crafted teapot or a Fijian kava ritual without its bowl made from a certain type of tree bark? 日本的茶艺如果没有那些特制的茶壶将会变成什么样子?斐济的卡瓦仪式如果没有某种树皮制成的碗又会变成什么样子?
〖点评〗
文章二段首句省略了路标词汇first,直接拓展论据:一个国家的历史、语言和民族精神都不可避免地体现在它所生产的商品里。接下来以主从句的方式,假想了国际品牌流行对于世界丰富性和多余性带来的损失。本段尾句以反问句的方式(加强肯定语气)拓展两个例证,对于主题论据做出补充说明。本段出现亮点词汇 inextricably,relentless,oust 体现作家文采,关于斐济的卡瓦仪式的引用也是作家生活阅历的展示。
【三段】第二次支持作家立场
Let us not forget either that traditional products, whether these be medicines, cosmetics, toys, clothes, utensils or food, provide employment for local people. The spread of multinational products can often bring in its wake a loss of jobs, as people turn to buying the new brand, perhaps thinking it more glamorous than the one they are used to. This eventually puts old-school craftspeople out of work.
〖解析〗provide employment for local people 为当地人提供就业机会
〖拓展〗create precious job opportunities for the locals为当地人提供就业机会
〖解析〗glamorous adj 富有魅力的
〖拓展〗have a glamorous future 拥有锦绣前程
〖解析〗old-school adj 传统的
〖拓展〗conventional = traditional adj 传统的
〖点评〗
文章三段从就业的角度,第二次拓展论据支持作家立场,传统商品为当地人提供了就业的机会,而国际商品的流行可能会使传统的手工艺人失业。本段依然没有使用路标词汇,以祈使句开篇,大量商品例证的引用增强文章的说服力。本段old-school的使用为作家个性表达,glamorous 一般童鞋会理解成“妩媚妖娆的”,习惯用该词去修饰成熟女性之美。本词用来形容商品,代替了attractive or beautiful,为简单词汇的深度用法。
【四段】第三次支持作家立场
Finally, tourism numbers may also be affected, as travelers become disillusioned with finding every place just the same as the one they visited previously. To see the same products in shops the world over is boring, and does not impel visitors to open their wallets in the same way that trinkets or souvenirs unique to the particular area do.
〖解析〗become disillusioned with 对于……很失望
〖解析〗previously adv 事先,先前
〖解析〗the world over 全世界
〖拓展〗all over the world = around the globe 全世界
〖解析〗trinkets or souvenirs 小饰品和纪念品
〖解析〗impel visitors to do sth 驱使游客做
〖点评〗
文章四段从经济的角度展开,谈及商品趋同对于旅游业带来的消极影响。本段使用路标词汇finally,以sth may also be affected 简单句型谈及商品趋同对于旅游业带来的影响。open their wallets 以动态短语表达消费的概念,the word over 为
童鞋很少使用的固定短语,impel sb to do sth 一般为童鞋认知词汇,对于作者而言,却是积极的写作词汇。
【尾段】
Some may argue that all people are entitled to have access to the same products, but I say that local objects suit local conditions best, and that faceless uniformity worldwide is an unwelcome and dreary prospect.
〖解析〗
faceless uniformity worldwide is an unwelcome and dreary prospect 世界范围内毫无个性的趋同性是令人讨厌的,缺少希望的前景。
〖点评〗
文章尾段首句先是让步了对立观点,再强调重申作家立场。在有限的篇章中faceless uniformity和dreary prospect 都展示了作家驾驭语言的能力。
〖全文点评〗
本篇主题明确,淡化模板,在有限的篇章中展示了作家驾驭语言的能力。行文中体现了对于立论、逻辑、词汇、句法四项评分标准的展示。
本篇采取一边倒写法,以三个论据支持作家立场,尾段再次重申立场,是可以借鉴的高分结构。
【作者介绍】
薛鹏(@雅思小鹏哥),新东方网专栏作家,长春市作家协会会员。高中时代出版诗文集《选择坚强》,每年创作20万字原创语料库以及范文。吉林大学外国语言学及应用语言学硕士。17年英语教学经验 (7年新东方雅思托福SAT教学经历),前长春新东方功勋教师,多次培训出雅思和托福高分学员(雅思写作8.0分,托福写作29分)。
爱生活,爱运动,爱音乐电影,爱旅行美食,爱读书摄影,更爱英语教学。20岁登上英语讲台,主讲英语万词速记课程。熟悉GRE、TOEFL、SAT、TEM、CET等各级别词汇教学。
大一时即在报刊杂志上主持“英语学习系列谈”以及“薛鹏教你学单词”等专栏。2006年获得“外研社/朗文杯”新概念背诵大赛吉林省赛区大学成人组冠军,全国总决赛大学成人组二等奖。
对于各类写作课程有精深研究,授课方式行云流水,妙语连珠,知识底蕴深厚,对学员极具有启迪性和激励性。
教学理念:Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire.(教育不是注满一桶水,而是点燃一把火)
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