二、处理好让步段与立论段的关系处理
因为这两个段落总是对立的观点,所以当学生在段落转换的时候没有建立连接或者暗示立场,文章就容易失去整体感。好的文章应该是流线型而非块状结构,即文章有一条逻辑线,即使两个对立的方面也是出自一人之口,彼此不再矛盾,而是和谐地挂在一根线上。其实实现这个流线型结构并非难事,只需在让步段的第一句做足功夫,格外小心即可。仍旧拿远程办公为例,如果立论段写优势,那么让步段的第一句话千万不可这样写:However, there are disadvantages in working at home. 这句话太中庸,容易使整篇文章失去前后一致的清晰立场,而且和第一段也缺少联系。如果我们在这句话之上再加点东西,就能起到桥梁的作用:
However, there are also disadvantages in working at home.
However, there are certainly disadvantages in working at home.
However, there are some minor downsides in working at home.
However, I admit that there are demerits in working at home.
However, I admit that e-working is not perfect.
However, I understand why some people oppose e-working.
Of course there are some opposite voices against this work fashion.
However, the opposite voices also sound reasonable.
三、注意开篇段与主体段的衔接
相对于主体段的变数比较多,不容易总结模板,然而第一段却似有章可循,因此很多老师都会总结一些套路,希望降低学生的写作难度。虽然学生的确不愁写第一段了,但是由于忽略了段落间的关系,第一段和主体段缺乏联系,导致行文不流畅,逻辑不合理,最终伤害了文章的整体性。如果想增加流畅度,需要在第一段的最后一句话和第二段的第一句话上下点功夫。下面这道题是2009.12.12的题目,中心话题仍然是远程办公,但是出题的方式稍有变化:
Recently, some people can work from home using the modern technology. Some think this only benefit the workers, but not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
下面两句话摘自学生练习,是上面这道题目第一段的最后一句和第二段的第一句话:
But I am unconvinced that the benefits are restricted to workers.(但是我不认为这些好处只局限于员工。)
As more and more professionals seek a better work-life balance, the working from home option is becoming increasingly viable. (由于越来越多的人追求工作和生活的平衡,远程办公因此变得越来越可行了。)
从第二段的第一句话可以推断出该段的中心是雇员受益的方面,但是这句话没有和首段建立紧密的联系。如果我们保留这两句话不变,简单的改良方法是在第二段开头加上一句主题句,既起连接作用,又可以概括第二段的中心:
Of course workers are the direct/ first beneficiaries of this working fashion.
Certainly workers benefit from telework at the first place.
Undoubtedly many employees welcome this working fashion.
There is no doubt that many employees would favour telework.
四、结尾段的总结
通常结尾段与主体段的连接非常简单,如In summary, to conclude等等,而难点在于总结的内容。重申自己的观点是最常用的策略,但是如果想让整个文章更有整体感,我个人建议重申不应只片面重复自己的观点,而应把对方的观点也涵盖进去,阐述清楚对立双方的关系。例如远程办公的利弊讨论,如果文章立场倾向于有优势,那么结论可以这样写:
In summary, telework, as a flexible and economic way of work, satisfies people’s various needs in life and free people from restriction in location and time, hence welcomed by people in many walks of life. It is true that telecommuting is not mature enough at present and not suitable for all positions or jobs, but I believe it will gain more popularity in the near future.
如果倾向劣势,可以这样写:
To conclude, employees working at home may gain more flexibility and save money for the employers, but they are more likely to find themselves losing connection with the society, which is against human nature. If the significance of work is beyond making money, then telework should not be advocated.
以上两种结论中都有一个转折词‘but’,在这个连接词的前后同学们可以看到题目中的两个对立面。也就是说,虽然有偏向性,但是对立双方的关系在结论中是阐明了的。
如果中立,那么对立双方的关系会很自然地出现在结论段,写法如下:
Overall, my view is that whether adopt telecommuting depends on the worker and the type of his/her job. If the worker can tune in well and the job can be accomplished individually, for instance, freelance writing or computer programming, or the workers are self-motivated enough, then telework may be optimal. Otherwise, it should not be encouraged.
总之,有整体感的文章不是豆腐块,而是流线型跑车;不是死的,是活的。因此同学们要有强烈的自我意识,即‘这是我的观点,我在跟考官交流讨论,我要说服他/她’。当有话要说不吐不快的时候,才容易写出流畅的有整体感的文章。相反,对话题陌生,无话可讲,又不得不硬往外挤的时候,往往会东一句西一句地拼凑,导致整体感丧失殆尽,语言再好都无法弥补。这篇文章只是对于整体感这个概念的阐述,如果想真正上手,还是需要做一些练习。在我的新书《雅思写作VIP课堂》中有细致的讲解以及精心设计的配套练习,相信讲练结合会收到最佳的效果。
作者简介
本文作者:北京新东方 朱瑞红
教授课程:雅思
教学特色:教学严谨认真,针对性强,方法得当,耐心细致。教学经验丰富,英文功底深厚对知识点掌握精准,讲解深入浅出,清晰易懂。
(编辑:罗伟)