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新东方雅思写作语料库:是否应该限制对于犯罪细节的报道

2016-08-30 15:54

来源:新东方网

作者:薛鹏

  点击查看>>>>雅思写作技巧全解析

  Some people suggest that there should be restrictions on a detailed description of crimes in the newspapers and on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? 有人建议对于报纸和电视上犯罪细节的报道应该加以限制,你在多大程度上同意这个观点?

  【写作立场】

  我支持对于犯罪细节报道的审查,但是对如预防犯罪以及加强自我保护应该宣传。

  【思路拓展】

  v 为何应该限制对于犯罪细节的报道

  ➀ 过度犯罪细节的报道会提高犯罪率,导致社会的不稳定。

  ➁ 一些人从犯罪细节的报道中学习到了犯罪的方法,破案的细节,尤其是一些刑事犯罪,因此,犯罪细节的报道某种程度上起到教唆犯罪的作用。

  v 为何不该限制对于犯罪细节的报道

  ➀ 因为对于犯罪细节的报道的初衷是提醒公众,所以关于如何预防犯罪,教育公众加强自我保护,有报道的必要。例如新型的网络犯罪,手机诈骗。

  ✍ 范文赏析

  【首段】 背景介绍 + 争议焦点 + 写作立场

  Currently, modern people are often exposed to detailed depictions of various anti-social offences in newspapers or televisions, which has become a sort of feature of commercialized mass media. There is no consensus among people as to whether it should strictly censor detailed description of crimes. Personally speaking, the reportages of violations should be strictly controlled whereas the ways of preventing some crimes should be introduced.

  【二段】为何应该限制对于犯罪细节的报道

  Granted, convincing arguments can be explored to justify the idea of implementing strict control on the descriptions of criminalities. For one thing, those criminal descriptions exert great negative impacts on the teenagers. So immature and curious are many youngsters that they tend to blindly duplicate those crimes they see on television, which might lead them to embark on the criminal road. For another, as for many potential offenders, some skills of committing crimes could be learned from the introductions of crimes. Specifically, some habitual violators have access to criminal skills and even the police’s detective methods from television programs and newspapers’ stories about crimes.

  【三段】为何不该限制对于犯罪细节的报道

  Nevertheless, it is not wise to abolish all the reportages on crimes. Some proper and timely crime exposure are still of great necessity. The original purpose of crime introductions is to educate and remind the public. It is easier for people to be away from the harmfulness of new offences and strengthen their self-protection awareness if they are familiar with the means of malefactions. To illustrate, with the development of high technology, on-line crime is becoming prevailing, numerous violators have been carrying out on-line fraud. Some crime groups are now spreading delusive lottery-winning information via the Internet to reap fabulous profits illegally, therefore, the successive revelation of on-line fraud will warn people against offences like this.

  【尾段】重申立场

  Overall, it is my viewpoint that detailed reportage of various crimes should be restrained or even canceled, especially criminal offences, however, the emphasis should be put on educating the public on how to avoid the violations of various malefactions.

  【点评】

  本文为雅思小鹏哥(薛鹏)原创范文,由雅思外籍写作专家付费修改,得分7.5。本篇四处细节错误已经改写,特别和同学分享,希望可以抛砖引玉。

  7.5 分项说明

  Task achievement

  • covers all requirements of the task sufficiently

  • presents, highlights and illustrates key features/ bullet points clearly and appropriately

  Coherence and cohesion

  • sequences information and ideas logically

  • manages all aspects of cohesion well

  • uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately

  Lexical resource

  • uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings

  • skillfully uses uncommon lexical items but there may be occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation

  • produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation

  Grammatical range and accuracy

  • uses a wide range of structures

  • the majority of sentences are error-free

  • makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies

  总评

  This is a convincing presentation. The structure is standard. These simple errors should be addressed. The introduction is well developed. Your stand about the topic is understood.

  You have presented good views in the main body. The second paragraph ably discusses why such exhibition of crimes should be abolished. The explanations are convincing. The third paragraph explains why such instances of crimes should be aired. The cohesion is good. The paragraphs are well linked. The conclusion you have made is well developed in relation to the discussion and topic.

  This is a good discussion. The subject matter is relevant. The structure is good. The simple errors can be addressed. Your language usage is good.

  【作者介绍】

新东方雅思写作语料库:失业率高国家是否要普及中学教育

  薛鹏(雅思小鹏哥),新东方网专栏作家,长春市作家协会会员。高中时代出版诗文集《选择坚强》,每年创作20万字原创语料库以及范文。吉林大学外国语言学及应用语言学硕士。17年英语教学经验 (7年新东方雅思托福SAT教学经历),前长春新东方功勋教师,多次培训出雅思和托福高分学员(雅思写作8.0分,托福写作29分)。

  爱生活,爱运动,爱音乐电影,爱旅行美食,爱读书摄影,更爱英语教学。20岁登上英语讲台,主讲英语万词速记课程。熟悉GRE、TOEFL、SAT、TEM、CET等各级别词汇教学。

  大一时即在报刊杂志上主持“英语学习系列谈”以及“薛鹏教你学单词”等专栏。2006年获得“外研社/朗文杯”新概念背诵大赛吉林省赛区大学成人组冠军,全国总决赛大学成人组二等奖。

  对于各类写作课程有精深研究,授课方式行云流水,妙语连珠,知识底蕴深厚,对学员极具有启迪性和激励性。

  教学理念:Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire.(教育不是注满一桶水,而是点燃一把火)

  版权声明:本文系新东方网独家稿件,版权为新东方网所有。转载请注明来源和作者,否则必将追究法律责任。

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